Thursday, October 19, 2006

A Response to "Bar lines are out of control"

I was reading the Gazette today, which is Western’s daily newspaper if you didn’t know, and I came across an article that prompted me to get off my ass and update my site already. Hopefully people will actually read this. Anyway the article was about how the lineups at bars in London have become ridiculous. Thanks for the late breaking bulletin! Wow lineups are long and stupid and out of control! This is not news. This is not even new information. Lines have been forming since the dawn of time. Even Dinosaurs lined up. The article made it seem like Western is the only place with line problems. The writer made it seem like waiting in line was a new thing and that she was applaud by it. She included a little anecdote about her last trip to Ceeps. A bar known for having the dumbest line policy in life, I myself have a shitty story about that bar and its line. She wrote that she went there early and the line was already very long and after waiting for a long time, she didn’t say how long, she made it to the front of the sidewalk line. At the Ceeps there are two lines, the sidewalk line leading up to some steps and then a porch and the porch line. The line master or bouncer allows only a few to the porch at a time where you wait and then you get to go in. Anyway the bouncer said that a few could move on to the next line if and only if everyone remained calm and proceeded in an orderly fashion. We can all predict what happened. People pushed and shoved and one guy apparently said, “fuck you all” and ran past everyone. This event changed her life and she now thinks that lines at Western have become out right ridiculous. I find it important to tell you all that her name is Princess Step@#nie. I censored her name out of fairness. Sounds like your typical western girl right here. I’m sorry Princess, how dare you have to wait in a line with people who push and shove and in her case apparently practically molest her. I’ve been in lines where it felt like I was getting a rectal exam from everyone behind me. Lines are just a part of life get over it! She claims the problem is with the bar, the bouncers, but mainly with ourselves because we wait in these lines instead of going to the next bar or whatever. Congratulations Princess you are only half right.

The real problem is with us, but its not that we wait. Waiting is what we do; it’s what makes our world work. Without waiting there is chaos. The problem is that for some reason we have either forgotten how to line up properly or schools have stopped teaching kids how to line up in elementary school. I can remember back when the teacher wouldn’t let the class leave or whatever until they lined up straight and quite. Remember when you had to go to the gym for an assembly and everyone walked in these straight lines and had to be quite and we all entered the gym like we were being watched by some dictator. That is what we need today. For as long as I can remember I have been trying to teach people proper line etiquette, but it has yet to catch on. I have achieved a few small victories, but nothing substantial. For instance, how many times have you been in line because everyone is going through just one door instead of creating two lines and using two doors? That has always pissed me off and when I take the initiative to open that door, people around me seem shocked, like I just broke a sacred rule. Have you ever been in line not realizing it was for an escalator and that there were completely free and spacious stairs just beyond your vision? Yah, that’s what our society has become. We are too lazy to divert from a normal path and open a door or take the stairs. Lines will never get shorter, that is impossible. Our population is growing and thus our lines are getting longer. There is nothing we can do except learn to lineup properly and I don’t just mean when we are standing or walking, I’m talking about in cars to. People need to learn what right of way means. At a four way stop we have to take turns and no SUV’s do not have a VIP pass.

Hopefully Princess will learn to deal with lines and maybe one day we can all stand in line, like at a bus stop and not watch as people from the back of the line move in front of you as soon as the bus arrives. That fucking pisses me off so much, but I have written enough for now. I don’t want your eyes to start bleeding. Until next time, whenever that may be, sorry for my long absence, keep fit and have fun. Oh and STOP BITCHING ABOUT LINES YOU FUCKING FUCK HEADS!

Monday, January 23, 2006

What Michael Moore thinks about the Canadian Election

I've been watching the election coverage all night and I have to say that I am very disappointed in Canada right now. Harper is the most pro Bush leader in the western world and we have elected him. He is against all things Canadian and he will ruin Canada. Mark my words we will have an election in a year or two and the Liberals will be back in power. However for now, for those who have voted for the conservatives, it is time to hang your heads and think about what you have done. At least the liberals won in my riding so there is one good note. If you don't think I'm right about this then please read the following statement made by Michael Moore. I am sure most of you out there can agree that his insight is worth a read. For shame Canada for shame indeed.

Michael Moore's Statement on Canadian Election

Michael Moore is currently in production on his next movie. As an
avid lover of all things Canadian, he has issued the following
statement regarding Canada's upcoming election on Monday:

Oh, Canada -- you're not really going to elect a Conservative
majority on Monday, are you? That's a joke, right? I know you have
a great sense of humor, and certainly a well-developed sense of
irony, but this is no longer funny. Maybe it's a new form of
Canadian irony -- reverse irony! OK, now I get it. First, you have
the courage to stand against the war in Iraq -- and then you elect
a prime minister who's for it. You declare gay people have equal
rights -- and then you elect a man who says they don't. You give
your native peoples their own autonomy and their own
territory -- and then you vote for a man who wants to cut aid to
these poorest of your citizens. Wow, that is intense! Only
Canadians could pull off a hat trick of humor like that. My hat's
off to you.

Far be it from me, as an American, to suggest what you should do.
You already have too many Americans telling you what to do. Well,
actually, you've got just one American who keeps telling you to
roll over and fetch and sit. I hope you don't feel this appeal of
mine is too intrusive but I just couldn't sit by, as your friend,
and say nothing. Yes, I agree, the Liberals have some 'splainin' to
do. And yes, one party in power for more than a decade gets a
little... long. But you have a parliamentary system (I'll bet you
didn't know that -- see, that's why you need Americans telling you
things!). There are ways at the polls to have your voices heard
other than throwing the baby out
with the bath water.

These are no ordinary times, and as you go to the polls on Monday,
you do so while a man running the nation to the south of you is
hoping you can lend him a hand by picking Stephen Harper because
he's a man who shares his world view. Do you want to help George
Bush by turning Canada into his latest conquest? Is that how you
want millions of us down here to see you from now on? The next
notch in the cowboy belt? C'mon, where's your Canadian pride? I
mean, if you're going to reduce Canada to a cheap download of Bush
& Co., then at least don't surrender so easily. Can't you wait
until he threatens to bomb Regina? Make him work for it, for Pete's

But seriously, I know you're not going to elect a guy who should
really be running for governor of Utah. Whew! I knew it! You almost
had me there. Very funny. Don't do that again. God, I love you, you
crazy cold wonderful neighbors to my north. Don't ever change.

Michael Moore

(Mr. Moore is not available for interviews because he now needs to
address the situation in Azerbaijan. But he could be talked into it
for a couple of tickets to a Leaf's game.)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Top 5 Things That legitimately Suck!

There are a lot of things in this world that you and I would say suck. From essays to exams to teachers and parents, I have decided to make a list of the top 5 things that legitimately suck. Some you may agree on and some you may not, but either way here it is my first top 5 list.

Number 5 – Being Kicked In The Balls

Now I know you girls out there won't ever feel this, but let me put it in a way that you would understand, its like giving birth to twins at the same time. Being kicked in the balls, if done right, can seriously harm a man for life. I'm talking about permanent damage to his most precious possession. It can make a man physically ill and render him motionless for long periods of time. Being kicked in the balls legitimately sucks.

Number 4 – Forgetting What You Were About To Say

I hate when that happens. You have this amazing thing to say and then bam, all of a sudden you can't even recall what the first letter was of any of the words you were about to say. The sentence or paragraph or joke is gone, vanishing in thin air. Then you sit there looking like an idiot, while you retrace your mental steps up until the moment of you mind wipe. How does this happen, how can we have this idea and then not have it within a second. I can remember Simpson quotes from years back but my thought that I wanted to say a second of go has vanished. Anyway it just really sucks and.... hmmm I forgot what I was going to say...

Number 3 - When The Toilet Overflows

This always pisses me off. The toilet is the one thing in homes that has never been upgraded. Everything these days have a computer built into it or are fancy or at least works with very few snags. However toilets have never been upgraded. Every once and then the water will slowly rise up the side and you have to use a stupid rubber plunger to fix the clog. I mean I can buy a thing to tell me when my laundry is done (in case I can't check it myself or hear the buzzing noise) but I can't stop my toilet from overflowing every now and then. We always watch it happen to, don't we? We can see the water rising so we neither keep trying to flush or we just stare at it hoping it doesn't spill on the floor. I'm waiting for the day when every toilet is fully automated and says thank you after I am finished with my deposit.

Number 2 – Chain Letters/Forwarded Emails

I hate getting those stupid emails. You know the ones I'm talking about. First you have to read the entire long stupid ass email and then you have to send it to a bunch of people so that one of 4 things can happen. A) Your true love will be revealed to you, B) your wish will come true, C) some stupid good will goal will be fulfilled, D) some random event or thing will happen (like MSN will remain free or God will love you or you'll get an email from some dead person who won't kill you) These emails are a drain on society and represent everything that is wrong with human beings. Why the fuck do people send these, I mean if my friend sends it to everyone on his list chances are everyone on my list already has it. So then I'm just the jerk that sent it again. I mean I have never sent these things before and I always delete them, even if they are about God or friendship. Stupid is stupid and I will have no part in it. I'm still alive and I have a girl friend so obviously I haven’t been a victim of the bad luck that supposedly comes from deleting chain letters. I have much more to say about this which is why I have decided to stop now and make an official post just about these stupid chain letters, so stay tuned.

Number 1 - Vacuums

Is this a joke or am I serious? Read the title of my post and then think about it, if you are still confused then you’re an idiot. Those of you, who know me, probably knew this would be my number one as soon as you read the title. In any case I feel that a solid joke is a perfect way to end this rant.

Honorable mentions.

I asked a few people what they thought and this is what they told me....

People who laugh before jokes occur in movies/TV because they've seen it before
Forgetting what they were supposed to do
Pants (Hey Krusty! Don't you hate pants?)
Boring people
Loosing their shoe
Girls (I'm not sure if this was like my vacuum joke or if this person just hates girls)
Boys (Read the above comment)
Stupid people
Long line-ups
And so on and so forth

This concludes my first ever top 5 list. I apologize for the amount of time it takes for me to post, but school is hell this year so I am extremely busy. Anyway keep checking my site weekly. I should post again soon. I have a sticky note with at least 5 more ideas. Stay spiffy friends.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Happy 6 Months Babe

180 days down, 180 more to go.
I know I shouldn't look too far into the future,
but I think we will be together for a long time to come.

I love you so much Jules, thank you for everything.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The Rules of Engagement In a Argument

There is nothing I love more than playing devil's advocate in-group discussions. It is so much fun to completely shock a classroom by saying something that no one expected. It doesn't mean I believe in it but to prove my point I will go to any length. As you can see I have put the definition of devil's advocate in the banner of my site. I have done this because I am dedicating more of my time to playing devil's advocate in hopes to become known for doing it. In any case the topic of this blog has to do with the rules of arguing. When I argue, as I'm sure a lot of you know I tend to use extreme examples or use absurdities. I do this not to be annoying, but to drive my point into my competitor’s head. Over the years I have noticed that almost every time someone is loosing an argument they will try to use a defense to completely ruin the argument. I will now classify and explain three of the ways people do this.

Getting Personal

This gets used a lot. In this example the person loosing the argument will suddenly stop talking and say something like "your only arguing with me because you hate me" or "You've hated my boy friend from day one so I knew you'd pick the other side". That shit pisses me off because it has no bearing in the argument and most of the time it’s completely false. I've had people assume I hate them or someone else and that's their way of shooting down my argument. The other night I had a heated discussion that lasted for three hours and after three hours she turns to me and just says that I am only arguing my point because I have something against her, which was of course not true. In any case I'm sure this has happened to you before and like me you were pissed about it.

Hitting Below The Belt

Have you ever been arguing and suddenly the person you were arguing with tries to end it by saying that your gay or that your mother likes it rough? Well I have, it happens all the time, because I'll back them into a corner and the only way out they can see is to insult me to try and rattle me. Anyone who knows me will know that I won't back down just because some punk calls me a flaming homo or something. All that does is fill me with rage and will probably just make me go on and on and eventually after I beat them into the ground with my first argument I'll start another one refuting their insulting claims. Thankfully this doesn't happen to often in a classroom setting, but it does happen.

Total and Complete dismissal

This is the most common attempt made to end an argument. It happens to me almost all the time where the person or persons will eventually "give up" and say something like "well lets agree to disagree" or "whatever" or "this is going no where". Statements like this where they actually think I'll agree to back down. HELL NO! In an argument you either win or you lose there is no tie. If you say something like what I quoted then you have given up. I hate the word whatever. People use it in the wrong context all the time. I make a big point and they say 'whatever'. What the hell is that? That doesn't mean anything; it doesn't disprove or prove a thing. It’s a wussy way to weasel out of a tight spot and I for one hate it.

Well there you have my three basic argument ending things. I'm not sure what to call them, but that doesn't mean they are any less genius. Now granted some would say that when I use extreme examples or use absurdities, that I'm doing the same thing as what I have written above, but I don't try to end an argument I try to win it. Using an extreme or absurd example just makes it easier for dumb people to see what I'm talking about. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there that can't wait to post criticism after reading this, so I won't keep you any longer.

Good luck my students with all your future arguments...

End Transmission.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Age of The Idiot

It's a brand new school year and already I find myself seconds away everyday from snapping on some idiot princess in one of my classes. I don't understand how they get through life... Oh wait now I remember. (Sucky Sucky) I thought I left all those brain dead beef heads and ditsy blondes back in high school, but they somehow won't disappear. I go to class everyday and everyday I hear the same stupid comments from the same stupid people. For instance in Philosophy class my teacher posed the question. "If I gave you a bottle of coke and I told you that it was all yours if you drank it a half at a time, would you be able to finish it?" The answer is obviously no, but some girl and her friends could not understand the concept of, "if you drink half you leave half” We all tried to show them the error of their ways but they got mad and just gave up still believing that they were right. In Politics class we have discussions and it pains me to hear some of the comments. These girls actually go about acting as if they know something. In a group they will point out the obvious right away, give out dull and blunt answers that in truth are right but telling me that homelessness is a problem because people need homes isn't very thrilling. At least in my two main campus classes everyone is to tired and the class is too big for anyone to say anything stupid, but at Huron with the small classes, its a breeding ground for stupid comments.

By far the worst scenarios for stupidity are those moral arguments and topics. Abortion, euthanasia, death penalty, and others some how trigger an onslaught of uneducated, unorganized, thoughtless comments that sound like this: "Since I'm a girl I'm all for abortion because If I get pregnant I want to know that there’s a way out, but I also don't think its right to kill babies before they are born". Lets examine this comment. She’s all for abortion because she’s a girl, but doesn't think it's right to kill babies BEFORE they are born? I guess its open season once they get popped out. No matter where I go it seems these morons who spew out their opinions of idiocy far too often are following me. I can only hope that eventually their dad will go bankrupt and won't be able to afford tuition and bribes.

P.S. Why is it that all the dumb kids are rich and have a car while I don’t? That really grinds my gears.

Till next time FUCK you San Diego

Guess Who's Back?

That’s right after a long vacation I am returning to what I do best, ranting on and on about things that really grind my gears. Summer is long gone and school is well on its way. I apologize for my long absence but I promise you that this year will be better than the last. I'm back and angrier than ever, I have more hate for the common idiot, and no love for the rich kids who drive by in their expensive cars while I wait for a bus that was supposed to come but didn't. So make sure you frequently check my site for weekly updates and I assure you that there will be no more pussy articles only hardcore rants.

So sit back relax and click your way to the best content on the World Wide Interweb.

Once again I thank you for letting me into your homes via your computers... I've already raided your fridge.

Friday, April 22, 2005

I can feel the love...

Sorry I haven’t posted in a long time, but with exams and the end of school rapidly approaching, I just haven’t had any time. That being said, I am very pleased to know that people still regularly check my site even without me promoting a new article. I have read all of your comments because I get them emailed to me and suffice to say I feel special knowing that not only do I get a ton of friendly comments, but I also get "hate mail". Yes even lil ol me gets hate mail. I never really gave those comments any real thought but today I got on and this was all it said...

" SHUT UP! NOBODY CARES. - Posted by Anonymous"

Now granted I don't fully know if this was posted towards me or to someone who left a comment on my site either way I doubt this guy likes me, but I've been mislead before and I could easily be straying down the wrong path his time as well. I'd like to take a minute just sit right there and I'll throw in my two cents.

1) If this comment truly is directed towards me then I have only one thing to say to you. Obviously YOU care. Why do I say this? Well if you take the time to log on to my site, read my articles, and leave a comment... Well it looks like you care at least a bit. Beyond that point, incase I made a miscalculation, which is possible because I suck at math, but if you truly don't care then I'd like to ask you, how do you know that nobody cares? Has everyone been lying to me? I guess I don't have any friends or fans or a counter on my site that keeps going up. I guess its all a big joke right. Whatever, I've never had any sympathy for people like you. Nothing gets forced upon you on my site. You have to click and read, as far as I know the choice is up to you. I have no problem with negative posts, but yours isn't directed at anyone or anything. For all I know you schizophrenic and you were just posting to yourself. I guess that’s possible. Either way I'm glad you left your opinion, but next time try to make it constructive. I mean even that fuck head he said I only care about myself at least pointed out that I don't volunteer enough. Only YOU can prevent stupidity.

2) If this comment was directed to someone who posted a comment before hand then I only have one question. Who are you telling to shut up? I got this email after I got one that was pro Chris. So I assume you are anti Chris and that’s not good. If you are pro Chris then I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said, but you posted anonymously and your post was unclear, so naturally I have to make assumptions and it looks like you are a Chris hater and if that’s the case then I feel sorry for you. Next time try to post better.

Well that’s all for now, I have an English exam tomorrow and I have to "study"

P.S. To all of you who complained about my spelling... I have decided that although I still believe spelling is not crucial, I will from now on use spell check on all my articles. That being said I would just like to apologize to anyone who was unable to read my articles due to poor grammar. Also I would just like to end on the note that I only skipped spell check on articles that were not very important. Until next time, keep fit and have fun!

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